December 2011
2 posts
Women for Herman Cain →
From the article:
“Mr. Cain has been a strong advocate for women throughout his lifetime, defending and promoting the issues of quality health care, family, education, equality in the workplace and many other concerns so important to American women.”
Irony doesn’t even begin to cover this.
November 2011
6 posts
So it was the "other" Herman Cain who makes... →
“I am the Koch brothers’ brother from another mother.”
– Wait, these Koch brothers? These guys? Um.
“[China has] indicated that they’re trying to develop nuclear capability,...”
– China has had nuclear weapons since 1964.
Herman Cain responds to allegations of sexual... →
Whatever you say about him, you gotta admit that the guy does have a pretty decent singing voice. But then, so did this guy.
“I do not know, just why He came to love me so.
He looked beyond my faults and...”
– Herman Cain on being accused of sexual harassment, quoting this song.
“Herman be Herman, and Herman is going to stay Herman.”
October 2011
36 posts
Follow @shitcainsays on Twitter →
“Herman Cain will put the ‘United’ back in the United States.”
– Mark Block, in a new campaign video for Herman Cain.
“We can still drive from sea to shining sea without having to go through...”
– Maybe we can fill them with cornbread.
“Our tax code is the 21st century version of slavery.”
– H.C. And butterscotch is the 21st century version of the Spanish Inquisition.
“If 10% is good enough for God, then 9% should be just fine for the Federal...”
– H.C. Does this even count as reasoning?
“The month of December annually marks a time when most of us reflect on our many...”
– Oh. You mean worship Jesus as we choose. Of course. Right. (Source)
“[Obama’s] never been a part of the black experience in America.”
– Except for, you know, that whole being the first black President thing, and all. (Source)
“Judges who are committed to the rule of law know that the Constitution contains...”
– Herman Cain, contradicting himself and demonstrating that he doesn’t understand how the law works.
“Yes. Yes I feel that strongly about it [a pro-life constitutional amendment]. If...”
– Either Herman Cain is so excited about the prospect of a pro-life amendment being ratified that he just wants to sign the thing for fun, or he doesn’t understand the process of amending the U.S. Constitution. Source
“It’s not a person’s fault if they’ve succeeded, it’s a...”
– H.C., who hasn’t read Jared Diamond. (Source)
“I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these...”
– Herman Cain on the Occupy Wall Street movement. Source
“There’s this creeping attempt…to gradually ease Sharia Law and the Muslim faith...”
– H.C., who maybe is talking about this?
“Now, let me tell you. [Corporations] didn’t write these loopholes. So the fact...”
– H.C., who hasn’t heard of lobbyists.
“It’s time to get real, folks. Hope and change ain’t working.”
– H.C., who’s apparently been listening to a lot of Darkthrone
“I would like to see no taxes on corporations. That’s why I favor the Fair Tax....”
– H.C., probably just taunting John Keynes because he’s dead. Like our hopes of employment.
Memeify Contest
Okay. It’s simple. The Internet needs your help. This picture needs a macro. Just look at it. Look harder.
“Hah!” we can hear you say, “I have a whimsical image macro which would be perfect for this occasion!” Well, this is your LUCKY DAY! We’re having a contest. With a MORALLY FRAUGHT prize. How does enter? Simply use QuickMeme or something similar to...
“Don’t try to pass a 2,700-page bill. You and I didn’t have time to read it....”
– Ok, maybe three pages is a bit too short…
“Stupid people are ruining America!”
– Herman Cain on being an educated voter.
“Wind and solar energy development is not going to get us to energy independence.”
– H.C., apparently not keeping up.
“[Y]ou know, they’re trying to attack us.”
– Herman Cain, on why he’d be cautious about hiring a Muslim in his administration
“Awww, shucky ducky!”
– Yup, he really said that.
“Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and...”
– Herman “Avalokiteshvara” Cain. Source
“I’m very proud of the relationship that I have with the Koch Brothers, as well...”
– H.C. on the Koch Brothers - you know, the guys illegally selling arms in Iran?
“I would say that 50 percent of it is Obama’s fault, 25 percent of it is Wall...”
– H.C. on the late-2000s financial crisis
“I believe that life begins at conception and abortion, under no circumstances.”
– H.C., explaining a seemingly nihilistic view of human reproduction
“Just who is Herman Cain? And how did I get this way?”
– H.C.
“If I did sing ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ at the debate… at least no...”
– H.C.’s autobiography, This Is Herman Cain! And no, I won’t link to it.
“A poet once said, ‘life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but...”
– - Pokemon: The Movie 2000, as sung by Donna Summer and quoted by H.C. in the Republican National Debates
“It will be a twenty foot wall, barbed wire, electrified on the top, and on this...”
– H.C.
“I’m ready for the ‘gotcha’ questions and they’re already starting to...”
– H.C.