"If 10% is good enough for God, then 9% should be just fine for the Federal Government."

- H.C.

Does this even count as reasoning?
Source: youtube.com

"The month of December annually marks a time when most of us reflect on our many blessings, including, of course, the birth of Jesus Christ and the freedom we have in America to worship as we choose."

- Oh. You mean worship Jesus as we choose. Of course. Right. (Source)

I really didn’t want to put this on here. But. WTF.

Herman Cain = The New Werner Herzog?  

"But what do zey dream, other zhan a less free America?”


"[Obama’s] never been a part of the black experience in America."

- Except for, you know, that whole being the first black President thing, and all. (Source)

"Judges who are committed to the rule of law know that the Constitution contains no right to take the life of unborn children."

- Herman Cain, contradicting himself and demonstrating that he doesn’t understand how the law works.

"Yes. Yes I feel that strongly about it [a pro-life constitutional amendment]. If we can get the necessary support and it comes to my desk I’ll sign it," he said. "That’s all I can do. I will sign it."

- Either Herman Cain is so excited about the prospect of a pro-life amendment being ratified that he just wants to sign the thing for fun, or he doesn’t understand the process of amending the U.S. Constitution. Source

At least the man can sing. Unfortunately, he’s singing about pizza.

Maybe he should try imagining a world where women have reproductive rights?


Jojo sez: "Seeing how this man counts, we’d only need about 4,000 more people to beat their population count. Get procreatin’, America." 


"It’s not a person’s fault if they’ve succeeded, it’s a person’s fault if they failed."

- H.C., who hasn’t read Jared Diamond. (Source)

"I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration."

- Herman Cain on the Occupy Wall Street movement. Source

"There’s this creeping attempt…to gradually ease Sharia Law and the Muslim faith into our government."

- H.C., who maybe is talking about this?

"Now, let me tell you. [Corporations] didn’t write these loopholes. So the fact that they’re using these “loopholes,” as you’re calling it, they’re just doing what the loopholes are."


"It’s time to get real, folks. Hope and change ain’t working."


"I would like to see no taxes on corporations. That’s why I favor the Fair Tax. That would be fair to consumers. That’s why I would like to see that."

- H.C., probably just taunting John Keynes because he’s dead. Like our hopes of employment.

Okay. It’s simple. The Internet needs your help.

This picture needs a macro. Just look at it. Look harder.

Herman Cain WTF

"Hah!" we can hear you say, "I have a whimsical image macro which would be perfect for this occasion!"  

Well, this is your LUCKY DAY!  We’re having a contest. With a MORALLY FRAUGHT prize.

How does enter? Simply use QuickMeme or something similar to caption this zany mug. Then upload it to Imgur or eho.st (etc) and leave it as a comment to this post.

We’ll pick a winner based on OUR COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC METHOD of "What makes milk shoot out our noses (even if we’re not drinking milk)?"

"But what’s the prize,” we can hear you asking. “Is it some food? Or health insurance?” No. It’s neither.  The winner will be the proud owner of either possessions or morals:

  1. One of these original, Cain-for-2012-produced “Cain Vs. Unable” bumper stickers. However, only jerks would take this option because it means giving money to Mr. Cain.
  2. Or, we’ll pull a $20 from our throbbing, luxuriously-full post-grad wallets and donate it to Obama’s campaign.

It’s your choice, young Jedi.